Principles of change: Building trust

Think about your relationships, the ones where you can connect with someone after ten years and pick up right where you left off. What makes them seem so easy? On the flip side, what is it about those people that you consistently send their calls to voicemail? Some relationships work, and others seem to take work.

While things like communications, shared beliefs, and respect help build relationships, the binding element is trust. Unfortunately, most of the time we think of trust only when someone breaks it. Or in the framework of ‘it must be earned.” How can we turn that around and focus on how we create trust?

In the early 2000s, David Maister, Charles M. Green, and Rob Galford explored in their book, The Trusted Advisor, what is now known as “The Trust Equation.”  It considers the four main elements that make up a person’s “Trust Quotient” or TQ. 

The benchmarks are described as follows:

Credibility relates to our words and is seen in how we talk about what we do or what we know. 

“Does this person typically give good advice or direction?”
“Does what they say match what actually happens?” 

Reliability is tied to our actions or our dependability and consistency. It is achieved by allowing people to see the link between promises and actions. 

“Do they meet their commitments?”
“I know if she says she will send me the file, it will get to me in time.” 

Intimacy is about emotions, the ability to connect with others, and provide a “safe space” to share. It requires vulnerability, honesty, and openness. This is where things start to get personal. 

“Is this person’s intention clear and honest?”
“I feel comfortable opening up to him.”

Self-orientation refers to our focus – it considers how focused we are on personal gain. The higher that others perceive one’s self-orientation, the less they are going to trust that person. This is where empathy and compassion come into play.  

“Whose interest are you going to put first?”
“Will she put the good of the group over her own goals?”

The first two elements, Credibility and Reliability, can be easily measured and are not so much of a “heavy lift.”   Intimacy needs a bit more work since a person will have to open up and share some of themselves.  All three of these, when observed and experienced, add up to a positive TQ.

The one denominator, Self-orientation, will decrease the level of trust at an exponential rate. That is the level of importance given to making others a bigger priority than your own needs. It is something that one can do and not even realize it. This is where you will need to reflect and talk to others to gain some of their perspectives.